A Moment's Confusion
Recently I experienced a moment of confusion; a type of confusion that is experienced only when there is a conflict between how you would like to behave and how you think you should behave. It was one of those moments when you wish that you could have allowed yourself to relinquish control over to God and just follow his will.
A small boy, whom I know, decided to throw his arms around my leg and call me Momma. My first instinct was to reach down and hug him, because I believe that to him, this was an expression of affection. It was an expression that touched my heart and continues to warm my thoughts. I wish that I had been able to follow my first instinct because I truly believe that it was inspired by love, but sadly I stopped to think and allowed other considerations to creep into the situation.
In the matter of an instant I considered how it would be perceived by others if I followed through with what my heart told me to do. I thought of everyone else and found myself separated from that voice that sang out from within. I allowed myself to hug him, but it was not the hug that I believe such a sweet expression deserved.
Why did I stop and why did I filter my reaction? In two words…self-doubt. Society has a set of rules that one should follow and there are many little hidden nuances to those rules. While I agree that some rules are needed to maintain the society; I believe that we have allowed the rules to separate us from one another. We have created a system that forces us to stand in opposition to the love that is central to our true existence. We have built into our minds and our lives a filter, a doubt, about the validity and suitability of expressing some of our most blessed emotions.
I can not honestly believe that a true and pure expression of love can be wrong. God often speaks through our hearts and pulls us gently (although sometimes forcefully) in the right direction. Sometimes we choose to allow the self-doubts to drown out the pure instinct of expressing love. We forget that in order to truly live in full connection with the Goddess we must be open. We must allow ourselves to express love, to give it and receive it freely; knowing that love is the most valuable of all gifts.
So if I should be lucky enough to ever be in a similar situation, I hope that I will allow myself to follow the will of the Goddess. I hope that I will not hesitate to return the love which is so easily being given.
A small boy, whom I know, decided to throw his arms around my leg and call me Momma. My first instinct was to reach down and hug him, because I believe that to him, this was an expression of affection. It was an expression that touched my heart and continues to warm my thoughts. I wish that I had been able to follow my first instinct because I truly believe that it was inspired by love, but sadly I stopped to think and allowed other considerations to creep into the situation.
In the matter of an instant I considered how it would be perceived by others if I followed through with what my heart told me to do. I thought of everyone else and found myself separated from that voice that sang out from within. I allowed myself to hug him, but it was not the hug that I believe such a sweet expression deserved.
Why did I stop and why did I filter my reaction? In two words…self-doubt. Society has a set of rules that one should follow and there are many little hidden nuances to those rules. While I agree that some rules are needed to maintain the society; I believe that we have allowed the rules to separate us from one another. We have created a system that forces us to stand in opposition to the love that is central to our true existence. We have built into our minds and our lives a filter, a doubt, about the validity and suitability of expressing some of our most blessed emotions.
I can not honestly believe that a true and pure expression of love can be wrong. God often speaks through our hearts and pulls us gently (although sometimes forcefully) in the right direction. Sometimes we choose to allow the self-doubts to drown out the pure instinct of expressing love. We forget that in order to truly live in full connection with the Goddess we must be open. We must allow ourselves to express love, to give it and receive it freely; knowing that love is the most valuable of all gifts.
So if I should be lucky enough to ever be in a similar situation, I hope that I will allow myself to follow the will of the Goddess. I hope that I will not hesitate to return the love which is so easily being given.
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